Warm flat, contented soul.

As I type this I am awfully warm, the heating has been turned on which means my flat is an oven of comfort and warmth. Where I live is lovely during the summer, but during the winter is when it really shines. The rain makes a beautiful noise as it pounds on the glass and when you step inside the wall of warm air hitting you is lovely. I like being warm.

It has been an interesting week, on Friday I went out and got drunk with a bunch of people I hadn't seen for quite some time, which rather predictably ended up in some bizarre bar at 3am. I met a rather pleasant lady who was wonderfully tall, do I like tall women. We drank together and talked about the usual things. Later on we shared a kiss somewhere deep in the city, I forget where before parting ways. She was nice, but was in the middle of a separation which is a bit of a turn off.

I went out last night with for someone's birthday. It was an interesting bunch of people, H got distracted by a specific girl so spent the entire night in the corner talking to her. I flitted about from one group to another talking to a few people, all of whom were very interesting. I had a long chat with a chap who is the controller of one of the main TV channels about the merits of ancient Rome before moving on to talk to someone else about why some chaps have a real sexual chip on their shoulder about posh girls. She is going to try and start a magazine to capitalise on it.

The party was pleasant but the birthday girl was rather making a move on me, this would be a bad idea for two reasons.
1 - I work with her, and I don't have anything naughty to do with people I work with
2 - I can't remember the second reason now, but it was awfully compelling.

So anyway I slipped away into the night and scampered off home. I have to go and pay some cheques into the banks - birthday gifts and I think I may go for a coffee and sit and think about things. Or I might just go and get some new trousers, my winter wardrobe needs some work.

Ch-ch-changes.

Yes, I have been listening to a lot of David Bowie.

My fathers test results don't come back till the end of the month, so there isn't a lot of use fretting about such things, stress is awfully hard to co-ordinate with.

The actress contacted me about her birthday celebrations, at first it was a huge party with lots of people there so I thought it sounded rather jolly - plus a couple of the chaps really wanted to go to such a party and meet various friends of the Actress. Last night, when I politely enquired about if we should book a table somewhere she let it be known that it would just be she and I, not what I expected at all.

Last night I met up with the Virgin for a coffee after work, it was rather pleasant and she was, as always wearing fabulous boots. Since I last saw her she has been going to an awful lot of parties and doing all the things she never used to approve of. And to push things even further she is going to have some nude photos of her taken. I wonder what sort of thought process one has to go through to get to this point but I imagine it to be rather convoluted.

Still if it was tastefully done, and I had a nice tan...

When in doubt, go to Soho

I went to a bash last night, it was a private party in soho where half the people were from a specific erm, group and the other half worked at a weekly woman's magazine. I knew a sizeable chunk of people there so I had a very pleasant time catching up with various friends and drinking rather too many cocktails in tall glasses.

After the band (a band that was huge in the 80s and who are having another go at the whole fame thing) had performed their set we stumbled out into the rain and went straight into another pub, one of the people I was with couldn't get served because he was so drunk. I can't say I approve of that, we British pride ourselves of drinking ourselves to ruin, and if a chap can't do it in Soho where can he? Luckily we were in Soho so we simply went into another bar and continued the destruction.

At some point we had some Chinese food and a healthy Guinness to round off the night, I made my way home but didn't have a terribly good nights sleep. I was rather ill, three times and ended up sitting in the front room looking out across the river because every time I got into bed it made me feel ill again.

So I ended up weathering the worst of the change from drunken headache to hangover awake and alone. Which actually turned out to be a bit of a blessing, I thought about a lot of things. I can't do anything about what is happening to my father but I can at least go and see him and sort out all of that.

Nothing like the crucible of alcohol to give you a bit of insight eh?

...

I heard more from my father today, it sounds serious. He isn't the sort of person who goes to the Doctors unless he can help it anyway. I am going to have to meet up with him, and do what I should have done a long time ago - let him know how angry I am at him for what he did to my family.

I imagine this will be a fairly painful, but carthatic process that will at least let me move on from it all.I have carried the rage over what happened around with me for so long I can't remember what it was like not to have this bubbling cauldron of primal emotion contained with in me.

I don't really want to meet my father yet, I wanted to turn up to the meeting in a car I own wearing a nice suit to show him that I am a better man then he is. I know that possessions don't really define a person, but this is what I feel. Perhaps I want to use these items as a form of protection, or perhaps it is some primitive need to show him that I am the alpha male now. I'm not really sure.

I told my boss about the situation and he was very understanding and offered me some time off, just talking about it nearly caused me to break down and show an emotion about it. I haven't talked about any of this with anyone, ever, my response to it all was to simply put a mask on my face and move on. I had to go straight up to Scotland after it happened, so I was miles away from anyone I knew and I'm not the sort to unload ones problems on another person.

It has made me think about a lot of things, in some ways I am always wearing a mask these days, at a party I am one thing, at work another. I can count the people who really know me on one hand, with fingers to spare. I dance from one situation for another changing shape to suit my environment and then moving on. I think that is why I have come to treasure my time alone, I get to be who I really am.

I had a string of lunches today and meetings, one of the girls I met up with invited me to her birthday at the end of this month, which should be jolly entertaining. She lives very close to me so we may go for drinks together - there was talk of doing a wine tasting course in a bar near me which I think could be rather spiffing. As I think she may feature in these entries again I shall give her the title of The Rider as she is rather in to her motorcycles and looks absolutely splendid in a set of leathers. I am even going to take her to the party tomorrow, it seemed a bit off to not invite her after she invited me to her birthday party.

Just when...

It appears my father (whom I haven't seen for 5 years after we found out he had been having an affair and then left my mother during Chrimbo 1999) is going into hospital for some 'tests'. I was told via my sister who talks to him occasionally, he wanted to contact me about them.

What makes this slightly more worthy of concern is that both his (my father's that is) mother and father died of smoking related cancer, and he has smoked his entire life. This is one of the main reasons why I am so anti smoking.

I haven't spoken to him in four years, and I am still don't know if I have forgiven him but I'm not sure what it would do to me if something happened before I got to say my piece to him - when he left on new-years day he went with out saying anything to me, not even a goodbye, just thinking about it still makes me angry.

As such I have absolutely no time for:
The Actress who wants me to set her up with some of my friends, I will wear a shell suit before that happens.

S who threw a strop because I wasn't entirely glowing about his report of getting some stupid jacket. Oh and stop moaning about everything, your life really isn't that bad.

My assistant who doesn't seem to want a job, I don't want to spend every day battling with someone who has work because I am good at my job.

Oh and any men who wear jewelry, there really isn't any call for it.

I apologise for this interruption to the program of parties and women, normal service will resume soon, hopefully.

Strange things

I can't make the Show Girl's party tonight, my little brother managed to break his nose, I am still not entirely sure why. So I am going down home to visit the little chap. This means I will miss out on the party, but sometimes things are more important than chasing women.

In other news, someone I work with was talking to the owner of a strip club, and some how some of the dances know me. I have absolutely no idea who these dancers could be, or how they know me, but this did cause a very confused phone call as the person I work with put the owner through to my phone (while giggling) so we could have a chat about these girls. I didn't reckonise the stage names, but then the girls change these so often that isn't surprising.

It will give me something to ponder while on the train...

Now what is The Show Girl up to?

Yes I have remembered her title, and she just phoned and invited me to a party on Friday, specifically saying 'it isn't work mode so you can have fun'.

The last one of the parties she hosted was interesting, they start off as a fairly normal night out, if a bit racy and then at about 12 they turn rather naughty. Although I never approve of Swinging, if just because the people who do it are so ugly, the later stages of these parties do end up some-what sexual.

So I have two things to consider.
1) Can I stay awake long enough to see this debauchery?
2) Do I even want see this debauchery?

And more importantly, what shall I wear? Well actually I have that sorted out, it was the first thing I thought about when I saw the invite.